A Chronicle of my Changing Times.

I've long listened to Internet radio, and specifically one station out of London, England. I'd highly recomend it, it actaully plays a mix of music. A lot of stations claim to play a mix, but you always somehow listen to the same songs over and over. This one plays random 70's classics, a bit of dance/club music, some decent adult contemporary along with some just random music you don't get - but should - in the states. Check it out here and just click on the "Listen Now" button in the upper left corner. One other feature I like about it is that it's an actual station in London - it states it's London's #1 station.

Posted by: mjmarble at December 30, 2003 22:06 | link | comments

Being sick sucks.  That is all.

Posted by: mjmarble at December 29, 2003 22:06 | link | comments

I'm watching my sister & brother-in-law's house, and more specifically my sister & brother-in-law's dog Bailey, whilst they travel up to Long Island to celebrate the joy that is Christmas with Dan's family.  Bailey's a handful, but she's not so bad once she's calmed down...  She's just starved for attention.  Ever since Jenna was born I get the feeling Bailey's a bit like the older sibling who's terrified that there's not enough love to go around for everyone.  Don't get me wrong, she's extremely protective of the new baby, but I know how she loves having me come over and rub her belly and play with her more than ever.  It's as it should be, though...  Just how do you explain that to a dog?

So I decided to have a movie night of it tonight and watched the two movies I had bought Dan & Chris for Christmas.  It was funny, when I was shopping for them the person I was with kept reminding me that I wasn't buying movies for myself, but rather as a present for others.  Personally, I believe you should like the gift you're giving.  Find that common ground which makes the recipient happy whilst bringing a smile to your face for giving it.  Well, I bought Dan a copy of Scarface, being the sucker for the advertisement blitz that I am, and Chris a true chickflick - Four Weddings & a Funeral.  So I sat down tonight to watch both.  Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum.  Early, yet violent Robert DePalma vs. Hugh Grant being Hugh Grant.  I'm more Hugh Grant, I've decided.

Watching movies always leaves me reflective.  I'm not sure why, but if I truly enjoy a movie or the message which accompanies it I find myself contemplative for hours afterwards.  I'm not sure if it the certainty of the characters of my enjoyment of watching the story unfold, but it oft makes me think on my own life and what I want out of it.  There's a degree of black and white to it all, a concrete sense of what should or should not be.  One of my favorite lines - the one that truly hooked my on one of my favorite movies comes from Braveheart.  Robert the Bruce's character has just been told by his father he must betray Wallace to gain England's endorsement to Robert's claim to the Scottish throne.  His father tells him that all men lose faith, lose heart.  Robert replies with such tenacity that I can feel the chills even as I type this recalling it:  "I don't want to lose heart.  I want to believe." 

This is the way I feel about so much in my life.  I don't want to lose heart.  I want to believe.  In what, you may ask?  I want to believe in so much that is black and white.  I want to hold on to those ideals I cling to close to my heart like Honor.  I wish to live my life in search of that one true love who will tell me that I'm home, and not be referring to a structure of wood, brick or stone.  I strongly desire to be faced with challenges to myself and make the right decisions.  I don't want my friends scattered to the four winds to be visited only when traveling.  I honestly need them with me, supporting me.  There's that intangible which the clearest connection can never provide.  I want my role in this world to be large and of great impact in it's entirety, whilst also being able to have the biggest impact on my family, my wife, and my children.  I want to live life, see what there is to see, visit places, expand myself and those around me - not watch it through a box on my couch.  I'd rather listen to the sweet imperfect symphony at a concert hall then the perfected copy of music in my radio.  I want to smell grasses and pollen of Scottish hill in early summer, not the dust and dander of my living room.  I want to see the brilliant brushstrokes of Raphael in the School of Athens not the glare of a glossy picture on a page.  I want the exhilaration of repelling the King at Rallay Beach in Thailand, not the smokers cough of one horrendously out of shape from McDonalds and years at work in front of a computer.  I want to feel the joy and love of friends drawn near, not the cold of type on a screen. 

I want the uncompromising life, the one without regret.  Plenty of mistakes - yes.  Regrets?  Simply put, no.  I have more than my share through my 28 years on this planet already.  And I do mean of both.  But that is the past, that which is unchangeable.  I can only look to the present and future.  That is what I've set out for, what I labor for.  And God willing, something I dare not say lightly, it will come to pass in His time.  All I can do is daily put my faith in Him, in those Ideals I hold so desperately dear, and in that which I dream to become.

Until then, I guess I have the movies....

 

Posted by: mjmarble at December 27, 2003 01:07 | link | comments (1)

Life is good.... I finally strapped on a pair and asked Jen out yesterday. Of course she said yes, otherwise life wouldn't be as good. Now the only problem is she's gone home for the holidays for the next week which leaves the whole actually going out in limbo. Plus, the last two girls I've asked out have originally seemed really positive about it, yet things haven't worked out. This one feels different. It's amazing how much something small like that can brighten your day. I also paid off my first Credit Card. One down, four to go. But it should be easy from here since this was the largest card.... Oh, and I won my Fantasy Football league this weekend, so I have a little extra Christmas Cash. Life is good overall...

Posted by: mjmarble at December 22, 2003 18:09 | link | comments

There are just certain traditions that warm the heart, ones which I will truly miss whilst I'm gone the next couple years. My grandma has given me an ornament as part of my Christmas present since I was but a wee lad of 4 or 5. They're they type of ornaments that you'd get at craft fairs throught the country - handmade, each individualized. Some are "Cookie Dough", some are clay. They all have come to represent times in my life, even if I didn't appreciate them when I got them. There's the colorful hot air balloon with it's basket filled with toys from 1983. Or the Brittish Royal Guard with black fuzzy helmet and all from when my dad was working over in England circa 1985. Or the musical note from 1993 when I was in multiple Choirs, jazz band, and still taking piano lessons. Or the football player from 1991, when I still hadn't discovered that somepeople just don't feel pain and I should avoid them. At the one, even though it's not from my grandma, that my parents got me from Wittenberg whilst I was still there.

There's just something I love about a full Christmas tree, lit up, drapped with beads or popcorn, the pickle hidden somewhere inside, ornaments which hold meaning hung from every branch. The Pat Boone Family Chrismas CD being played on the stereo. It's just very peaceful. I'm going to miss it.

Posted by: mjmarble at December 15, 2003 22:49 | link | comments