A Chronicle of my Changing Times.

I really need to start putting more out here... I've thought over what I wrote last time about putting myself out there, and I've decided that the real reason I'm writing this is not for anyone else, but rather for myself and those few who I've invited to read along... It matters not whoever else drops by. As I mentioned in the purpose of this blog, it is a Chronicle of my Changing Times.

I'm trying to focus once again on working on my long-range goals. It seems like I do this once or twice a month. I end up giving myself a pep talk of sorts and feel really motivated. My problem is I'm easily distracted. It's truly one of my downfalls. I've always been about what was immediately in front of me, and rarely about long-range goals. So I cut myself some slack in that I'm trying to change what I consider a flaw of mine. Specifically over the last couple days I've come closer to arranging tutoring ESL at my sister's Elementary school, emailed a RPCV and friend about specifics about applying, got myself caught up on my Macro Econ class, arranged funding so I can purchase the book for my Micro class (& test this upcoming Sat morning).

My latest goal is to have the PC app done by next week. This of course means I have to write my 2 personal essays, which for some reason I've been avoiding. And let me tell you no one's better at avoiding then me when I set my mind to it. To try and combat this, I'm trying to make myself accountable to some people. I hopefully will have about 3-4 people proof the drafts before I send them off. I've mentioned to almost all of them that they should have them by the weekend.

Yeah, this isn't the most exciting or thought provoking entry, but I think it's important for myself to keep track of some of my struggles.

One final note, I finally did get the picture of my Goddaughter and myself, but of course it wasn't sized appropriately and is the approximate size of Montana. Apparently I can't resize the picture (or maybe I'm just doing something horribly wrong) so I'm awaiting yet another copy to be emailed to me. One day I will post it. Really.

Posted by: mjmarble at January 28, 2004 01:04 | link | comments

Lest anyone pity James in his recent blog about being smacked around in Chess by me, fear not! The Pendulum does swing and swing often. I've just completely had my arse handed to me yet one more time. Never fear, I'm sure the next time out he'll be begging, Begging I tell you, for mercy!

Anyhoo, as more than one of my faithful readers (yes both of you) have mentioned that I haven't posted in a few days. It was a difficult weekend overall and I just didn't seem to have it to post the last couple days. As I mentioned to someone along the way, I sorta wish I could get back to my regularly scheduled life. Any time now....

The Reader's Digest version of the weekend basically brought home the point of a double-edged sword. It seemed like everything which occurred that appeared good was laced with internal things that were bad, and inversely those things which were simply horrid had the silver lining one always hears about. As I mentioned I went out on Friday and hung out briefly with some people from work to celebrate the last day of two of my coworkers. I had a wonderful day at work, basically accomplishing a month's worth of work in one afternoon. I did so well that my manager is taking me out to celebrate some time this week. As good as it feels to do so well, I honestly could care about work. My primary goal is to get on with the now mythical Plan and away from that very thing which I'm being congratulated for. On top of that, I had dredged the bottom of my closet for Friday's wardrobe and I just didn't really feel comfortable hanging out at a swank bar in what could liberally be called "comfy" clothes. So I called it a night early and came home.

The wedding Saturday was wonderful as I mentioned, but I did go by myself yet again. I do believe this is my 4th or 5th wedding in a row which I've attended stag. I really don't mind that much once or twice, it just gets old really quick. Going out with Sean, Andrea and Andrea's kids - Kia, 9 and Zeek, 6 was great. I got to play uncle to the hilt and basically spent lunch with a squirmy 6-yr-old in my lap. I definitely want to have kids one day, and that lunch just drove home that point. But I digress... I truly enjoyed bantering with all of them, doing my best PG-version of my ever famous dry-witty under the breath banter. At one point Kia looked up at me and said, "You really should hang out more, you make my mom laugh a lot." Rather nice, yes? "Well, Kia I'm sure Sean does too..." "No, not so much, you should hang out more. I like it when she laughs." Or something to that effect. And it was true. Here is very much taken woman in Andrea who I feel completely comfortable with and I really could get her to laugh at will at that point. Just got my wondering why I couldn't do that with certain other people, why I'm ill at ease anymore... The rest of Saturday and Saturday night was completely eventful in it uneventfullness. That sucked.

Took Sean to Church on Sunday since his car had broken down. It was nice just chatting with him - wish we could do it more. Headed to the bar since by this point it was after 1 and the early game started by 3. I wanted to make sure I got a seat of some sort. I realized that if I headed home I'd have a 30 min drive to sit there for 30 minutes and then drive back into town. It just wasn't worth it. Plus they'd been predicting that all the sports bars in Charlotte would be filled up by 1 on the local News. I should have known better. There were a few people there, but it was really slow. Jen ends up being in a foul mood again (I was shocked) but she had a good reason this time. She was trying to quit smoking. Anways, perceived brush off yet again, yada, yada yada-cakes. Overheard her say that she went to bed the night before at 8 - which translates to me that she'd rather do that then go out with me. I'm sure it was a difficult choice. No I'm not getting bitter over this whole fucking thing. So I figuratively throw my hands up in the air and give up.

Decide to have fun whilst watching the game and end up getting as drunk as I've been since moving to Charlotte. People seemed to enjoy me drunk. My problem is that I tend to sober up rather quickly. Makes it difficult and expensive to have a "good" time. Long story short once again - Panthers win and are going to the Superbowl. It was actually rather anti-climatic which completely surprised me. Yeah people are buzzing about it, but at the bar there were a couple a cheers and otherwise it was rather sedate. Apparently a sober me isn't as much fun as a drunk me and I ended up sitting by myself sipping water to finish sobering up for the drive home. I made the rounds of saying night including a goodbye to Jen who managed to stick one last mixed signal in (at least from my perspective). Whatever. I'm done trying to figure her out. I still don't know if she was interested. If she wasn't I just wish she'd had the gumshoe to just say so, but if she was I wish she'd just take an ounce, just an ounce, of initiative and give me a bit of feedback on a date. She (presumably) still has my number. If she calls, she calls. If not, I've got no real reason to go back to the bar now that football is over. Once again, I'm not holding my breath. Moral of the story, I had a good time and the Panthers won yet I felt rather alone (especially by the end of the night) and was annoyed with the whole Jen situation.

So I come home to discover that the 94-yr-old shut-in I've visited just about every Thursday for the last 4 years or so died Sunday morning. She'd recently been moved to a nursing home and I had just gotten directions to where she was staying earlier in the day at church. For those who may not know, I'm a lay minister at my church which basically means I help out with Church services on Sundays a couple times a month and also help my Pastor visit people in the hospital and "shut-ins" (those who are too elderly or infirmed to leave their house). The woman who died was named Tina. I'll miss her... quite a bit actually. Well, in keeping with the silver lining theme, she had requested that I preside over her graveside service. I'm quite honoured that she would think highly enough of me to ask. And of course I'll do it. It'll be on Saturday at 2. I've got a bit of thinking and planning before them.

There's plenty that's gone on and more that's happened yesterday and today that I'm just leery of writing about now. I mean, this is long enough already. Plus it really began to dawn on my that I'm putting myself out there for the entire world. I guess I finally am taking into consideration that I'm placing myself out there for judgement for whomever randomly stops by for a read. I just wonder what type of picture you all out there are seeing.

Speaking of pictures, I'm still trying to get the picture of me and my Goddaughter emailed to me. As soon as it is, I'll post it here. Till later...

Posted by: mjmarble at January 21, 2004 00:30 | link | comments (1)

Well, it's been a busy week, and I haven't gotten nearly as much as I need to done, but what can you do??? Actually, at just before 10 on a Saturday there's still a couple hours left to work if I wanted to. I really should, but I'm kinda tired tonight... Started my classes on Tuesday night with Macroeconomics which went well. I had Micro this morning starting at 8 am. For anyone who doubts my resolve to do what I've stated I want to do I show exibit A. Me driving to a class (not one I'd really ever volunteer to take) at 7:15 am on the one day of the week I get to sleep in. Actually, I like the professor I have for Micro - he's got a dry wit I love if I'm awake enough to realize it's there. Neither course really looks that hard. Both are introductory survey courses. Not to toot my own horn, but as someone who's looking forward to Graduate level work this really isn't that hard. If I wasn't attempting to beef up my academic record or meet some general requirements for some of the schools I'm considering applying to I probably would never take a course like this. But, alas, here I am - so I'll work to reimurse myself into collegiate level studies. I think it'll be a good springboard after a 5 yr hiatus.

On slightly different tangent, I'm struggling this month after having an unexpected car repair expense. I also have yet to successfully contact the FA office at UNCC, so I'm just going to take out another loan from my 401k to pay for it all. I know it's a bad idea, given I want to leave in 8 mos or so, but I've got to make ends meet somehow. Plus, I'm beginning to doubt my ability to pay off all my debt before I leave. So I'm looking to do what I preach against what I say every day, every call I take, every participant I help. I can't believe I'm going to do it, but I think I have to. Trust me, the thought of doing it sucks.

On a very happy note - my friend Daniel got married today. The whole ordeal is rather interesting. First off, I worked with his wife (that's weird to type) back the summer between my junior and senior year of college at Lutherlyn . I have very fond memories of that summer. She's now a Director of Chistian Education (DCE) at his parents church in Statesville, NC. When he first brought her to Ascension last year neither one of us could believe it. Well, Daniel proposed back at the end of November and they'd planned on getting married in April. But neither one wanted to wait that long and when Daniel's brother (and best man) was called up to overseas (most likely to Iraq) leaving next weekend it was decided to move the wedding up. So without sending out a single invite and no reception afterward (sans immediate family) they planned and had the wedding in less than two weeks. And managed to fill the church (about 200-250 people showed). It was a bit more casual in feel then I would want for my own wedding, but it seemed to fit them perfectly and they both were glowing. Congrats to both of them...

All in all a happy day...

Posted by: mjmarble at January 17, 2004 22:16 | link | comments

Posted by: mjmarble at January 12, 2004 21:50 | link | comments (2)

Registered to the Grad School at UNCC to take some Post Bach classes on Friday. Now all I need to do is call up the financial aid office to see if I can be put on a payment plan. Sorry, I just don't have the $600-$800 it'll take to take these classes right now. I'm in an advantageous position as long as the FA office is willing to work with me since my place of employment is willing to reimburse me 100% for the classes after I've taken and passed them. I just need to do well on them, which is a bit scary since I really haven't taken any classes in close to 5 yrs, since Wittenberg. This is the concrete step towards what I've been working on. It's got me frightened and excited all at the same time. I'm also working on getting my personal statement for Peace Corps done and should have the first draft done tomorrow night or Tuesday. All very taxing and exciting things. Here's to a busy week...

Posted by: mjmarble at January 11, 2004 23:42 | link | comments