A Chronicle of my Changing Times.

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted.  I'd be surprised if anyone was still out there reading.  Well, this was meant to be a personal journal for the most part anyways...

I did finally get my medical info off to PC.  And already had the dental forms returned becuase I forgot a signiture from the dentist in one area.  So, that's now been taken care of and hopefully I'll hear back with an assignment sometime in the next 4 weeks.  Well, at least that's what I hope for.  I did a rough estimation of the time I have left and it looks to be about 22 weeks (155 days) or so.  Not that I'm the type to seriously count down or anything... ;)

Went to NYC for the TARcon finale, which was fun.  I had a great time, drank too much and basically realized that I'm suddenly turning old.  I didn't bounce back the way I use to.  I also had a bit of time to myself (since I missed my flight last Thursday and had an extra 6 hrs to kill in Manhatten) to think about the state of affairs in my life.  I realized I'm not happy at all with all the weight I've gained over the last five years or so.  I'm honestly about 40 lbs over where I was then and I need to correct that immediately.  Within the next couple weeks my shift at work should be changing and I hope to begin working out in the evenings with a couple coworkers (the classes they go to in the gym start at 5:15 - I now get off work at 5:30).  This should fit fairly well with all my other activies in the evening, most of which start at 6:30-7:00.  Heck I might even still go to run at lunch.

I also decided to quit smoking.  I know everyone out there has heard it all before, but there's more incentive now.  First off, the working out thing.  Second I had a scare two weeks ago.  Long story short I had a random chest x-ray done (by my chiropractor - not really solicited) which came up with a spot on my lungs.  It turned out to be nothing - a small partially collapsed portion of my lung not at all related to my smoking (something natural which has already gone away), but I was terrified by the concept.  So quit smoking I must.  Yet I still do it....  Damn.  My deadline was Oct 1.  I'll keep working on that.

I also decided to stop worrying about women.  Basically, fuck it all.  Those of you who know me must be, "Yeah, whatever" but I'm sure about this decision.  I really just can't worry about it.  I'd wanted something casual over the last few weeks just to sort of while the time away, but the time I have is diminishing rapidly and I need to focus on other things now.  As it is, I often feel pulled in multiple directions and not focused on what I need be.

Which brings me to my next goal, to really focus on those things which matter most to me right now.  I've had a running spreadsheet saved with goals and important focuses for myself whilst I pushed to change my life.  Until a day or so ago, I hadn't even glanced at it in months.  That list is what I'm working on and for to set myself up in the long run.  I'd carefully considered everything on there, and quite honestly I did a damn good job of it.  Now I just need to center my actions around it again.  Wish me luck...  There's a lot on it.

I've also considered writing some poetry.  I've never really done so, but I have a desire to do so recently.  Of course there's also the ever present urge to do a mosaic. And I need to read more.  Plus bible studies, paper filings, GRE to study for, a Life To Do List that's been running through my head, Grad School info to work on, etc, etc, etc.

I'll write more soon.  I promise.  Until then, wish me luck with the working out, smoking, and budget.  Heck, even say a little pray for me if you would.

Posted by: mjmarble at September 29, 2004 20:56 | link | comments

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